Great Movie!! No one likes pain or suffering. But we know that it is a necessary fact of the world we live in. Much like death, we know it exists and will eventually befall us, and yet we go through such lengths to avoid it, or even avoid dealing with it. I thought this movie not only portrayed that well, but also the beauty of suffering and what it reveals to us. We hide behind our superficiality, behind our temporary pleasures simply to avoid the discomfort of living. We never really know each other until something tragic happens. Perhaps this is what makes love so powerful, so important. We talk about it alot, as if we know what it means, but it really only becomes real after it endures pain. This is the realization that Calvin comes to in the end. His wife, Beth, wanted the escape. She couldn't deal with the past or the present because it was uncomfortable and too painful. But her persistance to continuously avoid confronting their pain, caused Calvin to question their love and even whether he knew who she was anymore. In a family, it seems that we fall into a trap of relationships based on duty rather than actual unconditional love. We constantly tell each other that we love them and are there for them no matter what, but I don't think it actually gets tested until something happens. It doesn't have to be a death or suicide, it could just be questions or self-esteem or loneliness that one is afraid to reveal so as to create an aura of discomfort at the dinner table. One thing I see so clearly in both Ordinary People and Winter's Bone is that love was clearly seen precisely when things got messy. To coin a phrase a young philosopher once used, suffering is a "necessary evil" in life. It sucks to go through it, but it shows us who we really are and it highlights the most important characteristic we have as humans, love.
One must be able to feel bad if they are to be able feel good. At the start of the film Conrad only wants more control, he wants to feel less than he does, to say his lines better, and fit in better at school and home. There are a couple scenes where Conrad is talking with his mom and both he and his mom are saying what is expected of them but missing the timing. Conrad’s mom says that she took trigonometry then thinks about it and says, “Did I take trig? I don’t know why I said that.” Both Conrad and his mother know that in order for them to continue their social normalcy uninterrupted they must destroy their emotions. Control, Conrad discovers is the antithesis of feeling. On his journey toward being able to feel Conrad must give up control. The only way to have a functional family is to be able to perceive the difference between good and bad which involves having the emotional sensitivity to know the difference. Control must be given up and unpleasant emotions must be suffered. The only way to grow is through pain. Though pain is all too common it does not seem ordinary to learn from it, to be open to it and accept its lessons. To fit in we seek control and our emotions must die, and unfortunately we die along with them.
Ordinary People Homework disclaimer Before reading, please understand that my points are generally based and compared with my own experiences in order for me to obtain a perspective. I will attempt to not make anyone feel too uncomfortable, but I have difficulties separating myself from understanding. My life has always been open and a part of my on-going dialog to empathetically understand meaning. Sorry, I know I’m strange. If by change one feels weird, let me know, and I will restrain from future queerness. Great movie! I remember parts of it from when I was a child, but relate to the movie differently now because of my experiences. Mostly, I can identify with the main character, although almost nothing else. The main character is burdened and almost destroyed by the guilt he feels over his brother’s death, “don’t you see it has to be someone’s fault”, “Let me feel bad about this”, in the same way I will always be destroyed by the memories of my brother’s imprisonment. Although the main character really was not responsible he cannot shake the feeling of guilt, for instance, I did not pull any trigger and kill anyone, which should free me from guilt, the idea that my brother’s state of being is still a condition that I bear responsibility for. I believe that memories are central to one’s identity and personality. They can affect the decisions and path on an individual. Mostly, I use my memories for nostalgic reasons, but often they are an infection that deteriorates my soul as well as the protagonist. He (protagonist) is always fragile, even when appearing somewhat stable.
Why is the protagonist missing the mental hospital? He would rather be confined, because his confinement is an artificial freedom that momentarily steals his guilt. In the same way that suicide feels like freedom from suffering, except that this action is permanent. There seems to be no way that he can connect to his mother, even in the scene where he is attempting to share a story with his mother who seems like she is going to connect with her son, only to discover that the mention of her lost son elicits “il-communications” between the two. For example as both speak, their voices combine to create an inaudible third voice. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like he ever has the change to express himself and deal with his mommy issues. Although he attempts to and does so with other, the protagonist is left without true resolution. I could have cried in the scene where the protagonist relives his brother’s death and explores his memories with the psychologist, except that I am devoid of most emotion (please don’t feel sorry for me. JK). The way one feels when they have made a mistake that can never be repaired. As his hands slip and his brother goes under, I can feel the loss through the memories of my brother’s verdict. Oh how I love him so, and would love to play a game of basketball, bowling, or other such things. The idea of bringing him back is the idea that hurts the worst. Pain is all that is left in that idea. Yearning, wanting, but never having. Humans are incredible. How can one move on from such pain (losing a brother, child dying, a parents divorce, to not have felt the love of a mother), but somehow you do. I believe that there is not real rationalization, mending tragedy takes place continually and sub-consciously. We are incredible and natural miracles. In the mist of life’s great sadness, the mind will deal. Some people say that time heals (true), but time is just a vehicle for the wonders of being.
This event changes and destroys the family unit, unlike my family. In my case, the event destroyed each member individually, but the family (for the most part) united for the purpose. Now, I cannot relate to the protagonist’s surrounding because I am not wealthy, my mother (greatest mother in the world) was the main support figure (even when destroying herself), and my father ran away when it all went down. I called this period my dark years, which implies a time for which the suffering would end. I think the end scene with the father and son also implies a change, which would set forth a new family structure. Mary Taylor More is fantastic in her portrayal of a self-absorbed, cold, heartless, mother that is relentlessly finding peace within her by projecting her loss on the person (her son) she should support. She is given countless opportunities to repent, or make good of her selfishness, but to no avail. She cannot show emotion. She would rather walk out then face truth. How can a mother do this! I will never relate. My mother fell into a dark spiral of loss, but always managed to love, provide, and support. Unlike my mother, the mother in the movie favors one child over the next, this is just incomprehensible to me because my mother would die for any of her children. The end scene kills me. Watching the mother finally break down with emotion, and resist with all her might to make things right.
The father in this movie is overall a weak individual. He is a gutless person who should have intervened earlier, but seems to find himself by movies end. He dives into his work to escape. It hurts to say this because he is filled with love for his child and wife. He attempts to be the cheap glue that is insufficient at holding the family together. He watches his family deteriorate. Like my father, when things got really tough and he was forced to deal with his son’s actions and his shortcoming as a father, he decided to not act. I will give the father in the movie credit for everything else. He is a good man, loves his child, supports his child’s needs, and tries to be logical by being in the “middle”. I love the psychiatrist. As fluffy as this will sound, he is an unconventional doctor that is determined to “fix” the problem. He gets personal, is not limited by time, agitates dialogue, inappropriate language, takes a certain amount of abuse, and stimulates the other’s ideas. I see myself (now) in that type of role. A devoted person who is focused on their objective no matter what the cost. His client’s issues become him. At least that is the belief. Final Question: How does a family stay together before, during, and after such a traumatic tragedy? There is so much more that can be said about this movie, but boredom (like swimming) has the potential to destroy clubs. So I will spare the rest of my ramblings for another movie. “you fall into a hole that just gets bigger and bigger… and then you’re in the hole… but it’s not scary or at least not at first. “ Memories or personal stress becomes easier with time, so much so you begin not to notice, but although the idea may become invisible, it is at the core of who you are. The festering death that eats away life. I admire you for that (love), well don’t admire people too much. They’ll disappoint you sometimes. I’m not dissapointed. You haven’t let me down. I Love You, I Love you Too. Other ideas to discuss: Friend who commits suicide Music Swimming team More mommy issues (acceptance, Where is god in this?
Good question Brent. I think that in the film having control meant being normal. For Conrad it meant being the same person he was before his brother's death and his attempted suicide. But such experiences should change us and could alienate us from the people we used to be friends with. Because of Conrad’s experiences he found it difficult to remain normal.
Emotions betray what we really think about and are difficult to fake. We are not in control of our emotions directly. They arise out of our relationship with the world. They overcome us, and show us where we are weak often making us look foolish.
The control Conrad wants allows him to escape pain. He feels angry with his brother who died. He is angry over the pain he must face in losing his brother. This anger seems wrong to him because he wants to love his brother and be sad about his death not angry, but the emotion doesn’t care what he wants to feel. It hinders him from having what he thinks would be a socially acceptable, normal expression of grief. Conrad also has a problem himself. He feels guilt for not dying himself. Guilt is a particularly crippling emotion. What does it mean to be a brother when your brother is dead? Are you still a brother? It is possible that Conrad’s idea of himself as a brother cannot co-exist with the loss of his brother. Conrad must crawl through an abyss to reconstruct his identity. His spirit must learn to hover over the waters of chaos in his life. But wouldn’t it be easier if he had more control? We probably all feel like that at times. But I don’t think God allows us this. Control is for the religious. Letting go of control is for the spiritual, and this takes faith, releasing our grip on our identities only to find them returned to us by more capable hands. What if Conrad could kill those feelings and simply do what was expected, skip the anger, skip the guilt, skip the self discovery. It would be a lot easier to kill his emotions and become who his coach wanted, give the resemblance of family his father wanted, and be the image of a child his mother wanted, only problem is this would kill his soul.
Vander, thank you for making it personal, I think all our responses have to be personal on some level, or else why write.
In regards to one of the topics mentioned, As far as the friend who commits suicide, I think she represents the exact thing Conrad is trying to be, in control. The only problem is that this is an illusion. His friend is obviously not alright and has not dealt with anything in her own life, but she would rather hide under the guise of a false normalcy to fit in with "normal society". I think her death ultimately brings Conrad to a breaking point. He can either follow suit or let go of his desire to control what he's feeling and just openly feel it. Honesty is hard, especially when we are carrying alot of emotional baggage. But it is the only thing that will ultimately help us to feel free.
I also really like what Jordan said about control being for the religious while letting go is a sign of spirituality. I've experienced this in my own life. Before when I had tried to be religious to please my family or because I thought it was right, Control was the most important character trait one could have. It was looked at as "Holiness" to be in control of one's emotions and to sweep away whatever "controversial feelings" might be lurking underneath. But can we really believe in a god if we are in control ourselves? I think the religious perceive their control as spiritual and righteous, whereas it actually diminishes god to a meaningless scapegoat. It is only in the letting go that we experience the freedom he wants us to feel, the peace he wants us to feel.
Ordinary People is a great film about a family dealing with the death of a son/brother in a highly dysfunctional way to say the least. I related to this family in a lot of ways unfortunately. I didn’t come from an upper class family, but those of us somewhere settling in the middle class AND living in a white suburban area can somehow recognize the family structure all too closely. I am a film viewer that constantly puts herself in the characters shoes whether consciously or not. Anyhow, a quick run down of the characters: dad a white collar worker and bread winner, mom very socially involved and concerned about her image, teenage boy recently released from hospital for attempted suicide and what appears to be an outcast. Conrad appears to me to have what many would call “Mommy issues” from the start of the film and what I gather to have been most of his life. He reminds me of most of my students that suffer from PTSD. He desires to have his mother’s affection and attempts several times to have a seemingly “normal” dialogue with her often about mundane things. She appears to be flighty, anxious, and changes the subject every chance she has when being cornered by her son. Dad throws himself into work with what I assume as a means to feel detached from his reality, which is a distant marriage, an unhealthy and equally distant son, and of course the death of his oldest son. Of course we all know that you can’t escape reality as much as you try to. Conrad seeks help from a psychologist that doesn’t meet the status quo of what one would normally picture of such a doctor. He smokes, cracks jokes, and pushes Conrad to finally face his demons and situations.
You may be wondering how this all relates to my upbringing. Well, my mother was also and still is highly concerned about her image and oh yes the family as well. She put on a great routine daily and perhaps she should have won ‘Best Actress’ for her dual role. Dad threw himself into his work so much so that he started his own business, which I suspected was his hide away from us, his family.
Oh this movie didn’t just move me, but it triggered my emotions in the such a way that I couldn’t help but lash out at her, that woman, that wife, that mother. Why couldn’t she just stop and realize what the hell she was doing to herself, her husband, and most importantly her son? Society always speaks about how important it is for daughters to have a good male role model in the home so that she can find a partner and establish a healthy relationship. Agreed!!!!!!!! but-perhaps we should remember that it’s equally as important for mothers to be good role models for their sons too.
Bucky’s death to me symbolizes many things. This family wasn’t perfect before his death. Conrad says at one moment that he did something bad; he hung on while his brother didn’t. Maybe all of this fake bullshit was too much for him to handle, too hard to pull off as his mother seemingly does so well. To me Conrad’s strength to hold on is remarkable. He needed to hang on for who knows the exact reasons and if that even matters. His strength is felt by his father to “keep it moving,” to face the facts, and pursue the healing process which his wife refuses to allow. Perhaps I need to take note of the courage that Conrad shows in this movie; better yet we need to. He recognizes life isn’t all roses and lollipops, his family is broken, his mother is cold as ice, but still manages to seek help on his on terms and is determined to have some sort of manageable relationship with his mother. I commend him for his actions and will hopefully follow his path toward expressing his feelings and extending himself to the very person that brings him to his knees begging for her forgiveness for her approval for her acknowledgement.
For me this film wasn’t about the tragic death of a family member, it was about human connection. Conrad seeks his mother’s affection so much so that he is constantly looking for it in the females in his life. Both of the young ladies that make their appearances in the movie have traits that remind him of his mother. I feel like he regains his strength in terms of vocalizing his feelings about his mother through the two girls he befriends. I am thankful for these relationships because I feel it won’t limit him to thinking ill thoughts about women in general.
At one point of the movie Conrad’s swim coach states “your actions have consequences” and this not only sums up the movie in a nutshell, but life as a whole. What you do or don’t do, what you say or don’t say holds consequences no matter who you are young, old, rich, poor, man, woman, parent, or child.
Klause, I loved how you looked at the film as Conrad's search for affection from a woman. And I was wondering if you felt that women are fairly portrayed in the film?
Great Movie!! No one likes pain or suffering. But we know that it is a necessary fact of the world we live in. Much like death, we know it exists and will eventually befall us, and yet we go through such lengths to avoid it, or even avoid dealing with it. I thought this movie not only portrayed that well, but also the beauty of suffering and what it reveals to us. We hide behind our superficiality, behind our temporary pleasures simply to avoid the discomfort of living. We never really know each other until something tragic happens. Perhaps this is what makes love so powerful, so important. We talk about it alot, as if we know what it means, but it really only becomes real after it endures pain. This is the realization that Calvin comes to in the end. His wife, Beth, wanted the escape. She couldn't deal with the past or the present because it was uncomfortable and too painful. But her persistance to continuously avoid confronting their pain, caused Calvin to question their love and even whether he knew who she was anymore.
ReplyDeleteIn a family, it seems that we fall into a trap of relationships based on duty rather than actual unconditional love. We constantly tell each other that we love them and are there for them no matter what, but I don't think it actually gets tested until something happens. It doesn't have to be a death or suicide, it could just be questions or self-esteem or loneliness that one is afraid to reveal so as to create an aura of discomfort at the dinner table. One thing I see so clearly in both Ordinary People and Winter's Bone is that love was clearly seen precisely when things got messy. To coin a phrase a young philosopher once used, suffering is a "necessary evil" in life. It sucks to go through it, but it shows us who we really are and it highlights the most important characteristic we have as humans, love.
Ordinary People
ReplyDeleteOne must be able to feel bad if they are to be able feel good. At the start of the film Conrad only wants more control, he wants to feel less than he does, to say his lines better, and fit in better at school and home. There are a couple scenes where Conrad is talking with his mom and both he and his mom are saying what is expected of them but missing the timing. Conrad’s mom says that she took trigonometry then thinks about it and says, “Did I take trig? I don’t know why I said that.” Both Conrad and his mother know that in order for them to continue their social normalcy uninterrupted they must destroy their emotions.
Control, Conrad discovers is the antithesis of feeling. On his journey toward being able to feel Conrad must give up control. The only way to have a functional family is to be able to perceive the difference between good and bad which involves having the emotional sensitivity to know the difference. Control must be given up and unpleasant emotions must be suffered. The only way to grow is through pain. Though pain is all too common it does not seem ordinary to learn from it, to be open to it and accept its lessons. To fit in we seek control and our emotions must die, and unfortunately we die along with them.
What does it mean to have control? Why do we think that being in control means suppressing our emotions?
ReplyDeleteOrdinary People Homework
ReplyDeletedisclaimer
Before reading, please understand that my points are generally based and compared with my own experiences in order for me to obtain a perspective. I will attempt to not make anyone feel too uncomfortable, but I have difficulties separating myself from understanding. My life has always been open and a part of my on-going dialog to empathetically understand meaning. Sorry, I know I’m strange. If by change one feels weird, let me know, and I will restrain from future queerness.
Great movie! I remember parts of it from when I was a child, but relate to the movie differently now because of my experiences. Mostly, I can identify with the main character, although almost nothing else. The main character is burdened and almost destroyed by the guilt he feels over his brother’s death, “don’t you see it has to be someone’s fault”, “Let me feel bad about this”, in the same way I will always be destroyed by the memories of my brother’s imprisonment. Although the main character really was not responsible he cannot shake the feeling of guilt, for instance, I did not pull any trigger and kill anyone, which should free me from guilt, the idea that my brother’s state of being is still a condition that I bear responsibility for. I believe that memories are central to one’s identity and personality. They can affect the decisions and path on an individual. Mostly, I use my memories for nostalgic reasons, but often they are an infection that deteriorates my soul as well as the protagonist. He (protagonist) is always fragile, even when appearing somewhat stable.
Why is the protagonist missing the mental hospital? He would rather be confined, because his confinement is an artificial freedom that momentarily steals his guilt. In the same way that suicide feels like freedom from suffering, except that this action is permanent. There seems to be no way that he can connect to his mother, even in the scene where he is attempting to share a story with his mother who seems like she is going to connect with her son, only to discover that the mention of her lost son elicits “il-communications” between the two. For example as both speak, their voices combine to create an inaudible third voice. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like he ever has the change to express himself and deal with his mommy issues. Although he attempts to and does so with other, the protagonist is left without true resolution. I could have cried in the scene where the protagonist relives his brother’s death and explores his memories with the psychologist, except that I am devoid of most emotion (please don’t feel sorry for me. JK). The way one feels when they have made a mistake that can never be repaired. As his hands slip and his brother goes under, I can feel the loss through the memories of my brother’s verdict. Oh how I love him so, and would love to play a game of basketball, bowling, or other such things. The idea of bringing him back is the idea that hurts the worst. Pain is all that is left in that idea. Yearning, wanting, but never having. Humans are incredible. How can one move on from such pain (losing a brother, child dying, a parents divorce, to not have felt the love of a mother), but somehow you do. I believe that there is not real rationalization, mending tragedy takes place continually and sub-consciously. We are incredible and natural miracles. In the mist of life’s great sadness, the mind will deal. Some people say that time heals (true), but time is just a vehicle for the wonders of being.
ReplyDeleteThis event changes and destroys the family unit, unlike my family. In my case, the event destroyed each member individually, but the family (for the most part) united for the purpose. Now, I cannot relate to the protagonist’s surrounding because I am not wealthy, my mother (greatest mother in the world) was the main support figure (even when destroying herself), and my father ran away when it all went down. I called this period my dark years, which implies a time for which the suffering would end. I think the end scene with the father and son also implies a change, which would set forth a new family structure.
ReplyDeleteMary Taylor More is fantastic in her portrayal of a self-absorbed, cold, heartless, mother that is relentlessly finding peace within her by projecting her loss on the person (her son) she should support. She is given countless opportunities to repent, or make good of her selfishness, but to no avail. She cannot show emotion. She would rather walk out then face truth. How can a mother do this! I will never relate. My mother fell into a dark spiral of loss, but always managed to love, provide, and support. Unlike my mother, the mother in the movie favors one child over the next, this is just incomprehensible to me because my mother would die for any of her children. The end scene kills me. Watching the mother finally break down with emotion, and resist with all her might to make things right.
The father in this movie is overall a weak individual. He is a gutless person who should have intervened earlier, but seems to find himself by movies end. He dives into his work to escape. It hurts to say this because he is filled with love for his child and wife. He attempts to be the cheap glue that is insufficient at holding the family together. He watches his family deteriorate. Like my father, when things got really tough and he was forced to deal with his son’s actions and his shortcoming as a father, he decided to not act. I will give the father in the movie credit for everything else. He is a good man, loves his child, supports his child’s needs, and tries to be logical by being in the “middle”.
ReplyDeleteI love the psychiatrist. As fluffy as this will sound, he is an unconventional doctor that is determined to “fix” the problem. He gets personal, is not limited by time, agitates dialogue, inappropriate language, takes a certain amount of abuse, and stimulates the other’s ideas. I see myself (now) in that type of role. A devoted person who is focused on their objective no matter what the cost. His client’s issues become him. At least that is the belief.
Final Question: How does a family stay together before, during, and after such a traumatic tragedy?
There is so much more that can be said about this movie, but boredom (like swimming) has the potential to destroy clubs. So I will spare the rest of my ramblings for another movie.
“you fall into a hole that just gets bigger and bigger… and then you’re in the hole… but it’s not scary or at least not at first. “ Memories or personal stress becomes easier with time, so much so you begin not to notice, but although the idea may become invisible, it is at the core of who you are. The festering death that eats away life.
I admire you for that (love), well don’t admire people too much. They’ll disappoint you sometimes. I’m not dissapointed. You haven’t let me down. I Love You, I Love you Too.
Other ideas to discuss:
Friend who commits suicide
Music
Swimming team
More mommy issues (acceptance,
Where is god in this?
Sorry, I guess wrote too much. Will limit future responses.
ReplyDeleteGood question Brent. I think that in the film having control meant being normal. For Conrad it meant being the same person he was before his brother's death and his attempted suicide. But such experiences should change us and could alienate us from the people we used to be friends with. Because of Conrad’s experiences he found it difficult to remain normal.
ReplyDeleteEmotions betray what we really think about and are difficult to fake. We are not in control of our emotions directly. They arise out of our relationship with the world. They overcome us, and show us where we are weak often making us look foolish.
ReplyDeleteThe control Conrad wants allows him to escape pain. He feels angry with his brother who died. He is angry over the pain he must face in losing his brother. This anger seems wrong to him because he wants to love his brother and be sad about his death not angry, but the emotion doesn’t care what he wants to feel. It hinders him from having what he thinks would be a socially acceptable, normal expression of grief. Conrad also has a problem himself. He feels guilt for not dying himself. Guilt is a particularly crippling emotion. What does it mean to be a brother when your brother is dead? Are you still a brother? It is possible that Conrad’s idea of himself as a brother cannot co-exist with the loss of his brother. Conrad must crawl through an abyss to reconstruct his identity. His spirit must learn to hover over the waters of chaos in his life. But wouldn’t it be easier if he had more control? We probably all feel like that at times. But I don’t think God allows us this. Control is for the religious. Letting go of control is for the spiritual, and this takes faith, releasing our grip on our identities only to find them returned to us by more capable hands. What if Conrad could kill those feelings and simply do what was expected, skip the anger, skip the guilt, skip the self discovery. It would be a lot easier to kill his emotions and become who his coach wanted, give the resemblance of family his father wanted, and be the image of a child his mother wanted, only problem is this would kill his soul.
Vander, thank you for making it personal, I think all our responses have to be personal on some level, or else why write.
In regards to one of the topics mentioned, As far as the friend who commits suicide, I think she represents the exact thing Conrad is trying to be, in control. The only problem is that this is an illusion. His friend is obviously not alright and has not dealt with anything in her own life, but she would rather hide under the guise of a false normalcy to fit in with "normal society". I think her death ultimately brings Conrad to a breaking point. He can either follow suit or let go of his desire to control what he's feeling and just openly feel it. Honesty is hard, especially when we are carrying alot of emotional baggage. But it is the only thing that will ultimately help us to feel free.
ReplyDeleteI also really like what Jordan said about control being for the religious while letting go is a sign of spirituality. I've experienced this in my own life. Before when I had tried to be religious to please my family or because I thought it was right, Control was the most important character trait one could have. It was looked at as "Holiness" to be in control of one's emotions and to sweep away whatever "controversial feelings" might be lurking underneath. But can we really believe in a god if we are in control ourselves? I think the religious perceive their control as spiritual and righteous, whereas it actually diminishes god to a meaningless scapegoat. It is only in the letting go that we experience the freedom he wants us to feel, the peace he wants us to feel.
ReplyDeleteOrdinary People is a great film about a family dealing with the death of a son/brother in a highly dysfunctional way to say the least. I related to this family in a lot of ways unfortunately. I didn’t come from an upper class family, but those of us somewhere settling in the middle class AND living in a white suburban area can somehow recognize the family structure all too closely. I am a film viewer that constantly puts herself in the characters shoes whether consciously or not. Anyhow, a quick run down of the characters: dad a white collar worker and bread winner, mom very socially involved and concerned about her image, teenage boy recently released from hospital for attempted suicide and what appears to be an outcast. Conrad appears to me to have what many would call “Mommy issues” from the start of the film and what I gather to have been most of his life. He reminds me of most of my students that suffer from PTSD. He desires to have his mother’s affection and attempts several times to have a seemingly “normal” dialogue with her often about mundane things. She appears to be flighty, anxious, and changes the subject every chance she has when being cornered by her son. Dad throws himself into work with what I assume as a means to feel detached from his reality, which is a distant marriage, an unhealthy and equally distant son, and of course the death of his oldest son. Of course we all know that you can’t escape reality as much as you try to. Conrad seeks help from a psychologist that doesn’t meet the status quo of what one would normally picture of such a doctor. He smokes, cracks jokes, and pushes Conrad to finally face his demons and situations.
ReplyDeleteYou may be wondering how this all relates to my upbringing. Well, my mother was also and still is highly concerned about her image and oh yes the family as well. She put on a great routine daily and perhaps she should have won ‘Best Actress’ for her dual role. Dad threw himself into his work so much so that he started his own business, which I suspected was his hide away from us, his family.
Oh this movie didn’t just move me, but it triggered my emotions in the such a way that I couldn’t help but lash out at her, that woman, that wife, that mother. Why couldn’t she just stop and realize what the hell she was doing to herself, her husband, and most importantly her son? Society always speaks about how important it is for daughters to have a good male role model in the home so that she can find a partner and establish a healthy relationship. Agreed!!!!!!!! but-perhaps we should remember that it’s equally as important for mothers to be good role models for their sons too.
Bucky’s death to me symbolizes many things. This family wasn’t perfect before his death. Conrad says at one moment that he did something bad; he hung on while his brother didn’t. Maybe all of this fake bullshit was too much for him to handle, too hard to pull off as his mother seemingly does so well. To me Conrad’s strength to hold on is remarkable. He needed to hang on for who knows the exact reasons and if that even matters. His strength is felt by his father to “keep it moving,” to face the facts, and pursue the healing process which his wife refuses to allow. Perhaps I need to take note of the courage that Conrad shows in this movie; better yet we need to. He recognizes life isn’t all roses and lollipops, his family is broken, his mother is cold as ice, but still manages to seek help on his on terms and is determined to have some sort of manageable relationship with his mother. I commend him for his actions and will hopefully follow his path toward expressing his feelings and extending himself to the very person that brings him to his knees begging for her forgiveness for her approval for her acknowledgement.
ReplyDeleteFor me this film wasn’t about the tragic death of a family member, it was about human connection. Conrad seeks his mother’s affection so much so that he is constantly looking for it in the females in his life. Both of the young ladies that make their appearances in the movie have traits that remind him of his mother. I feel like he regains his strength in terms of vocalizing his feelings about his mother through the two girls he befriends. I am thankful for these relationships because I feel it won’t limit him to thinking ill thoughts about women in general.
At one point of the movie Conrad’s swim coach states “your actions have consequences” and this not only sums up the movie in a nutshell, but life as a whole. What you do or don’t do, what you say or don’t say holds consequences no matter who you are young, old, rich, poor, man, woman, parent, or child.
Klause, I loved how you looked at the film as Conrad's search for affection from a woman. And I was wondering if you felt that women are fairly portrayed in the film?
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